GHOSTING: THE FAILURE PRINCIPLE DESTROYING GEN Y AND GEN Z

Any one of you who has succeeded at anything in your past knows—whether it was instilled by your parents, your teachers, or you simply picked it up on your own—that communication was a key part of that success. You learned to respect others and acknowledge them. You also learned a strong work ethic that encompassed showing up on time, doing a good job, and facing up to anything that required some correction.

You were regarded as reliable by your coaches, teammates, classmates, parents, neighbors, pastors, employers. In fact, they knew you could be trusted to do what you said you would do, and be where you said you would be, when you said you would be. To the point that if you did not arrive, they would automatically think something might be wrong, and that you might be in trouble. It never would have occurred to them that you simply decided to “ghost” them, to act like they didn’t exist and your responsibilities and your courtesy toward them were just not part of your universe anymore.

That leads me to a habit that has developed somehow with these younger generations that does not serve them well. So, I want to talk to all Gen Y and Gen Z, and any other adults that have had this habit rub off on them. Primarily because it does not lead to success. It cannot.

The progressive acceptance of responsibility, and the improvement of communication skills, and the controlling of one’s emotions are the natural development into being an adult. I hear often from 20 somethings that they are “adulting” meaning they are doing a practice run at being an adult—despite the fact they are far into their 20s or 30s—by doing what adults do. They tell me getting an apartment of their own, or with roommates, instead of living at home is part of that. They tell me getting a dog to demonstrate they can take care of something is part of that. They tell me getting a bank account and learning something about money and savings is a part of that. And that is all well and good.

But making an appointment and “no showing” the other party is adolescent. Carrying on a good conversation which has engaged the other person to the point they feel a friendship could develop and then failing to answer their texts, swiping your phone to reject their call etc. are signs of weakness and immaturity.

One of the keys of being an adult that people can trust is to face up to life’s situations and problems. It is also key to learn to say “no” if there is a job you decided you don’t want, or you are invited somewhere, or asked to do something and you don’t want to. To say nothing, and then disappear is more than just disrespectful, it is cowardly and in the age of social media it can lead to your reputation being destroyed by people talking about you.

If you doubt that you have picked up a failure principle and are deploying it, ask yourself for example in the area of dating what would the girl think of you, guys, if you had several dates, seemed to have a good time and then you “ghosted” her and simply disappeared without a word. Maybe you did it permanently, or maybe for a few weeks and then decided to show back up as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Do you think she is going to care about a relationship with you now? Not in a million years. And women, this applies to you as well, if you do it to a guy.

What would happen if you got hired on at a new job, and you came to work for a few weeks—did your work and even got to know your co-workers a bit, and then one day you decided you didn’t want to work there anymore, or didn’t want to come in on schedule? You “ghost” them and ignore all communication from then since you didn’t want to come in anyway. You even think it doesn’t matter because you didn’t care. However, when you go for your next job, the new employer will check the previous employer for a recommendation and information. Guess what the previous employer will say? Are you beginning to understand now why some of you are having trouble finding work?

Let’s say you are a baseball player and tried out for your varsity team in high school. Once chosen you act like the dedicated athlete they saw during try outs. Until you decide to “ghost” your coach and your teammates. You changed your mind—which you have a right to do—but you have no right to mystify others with your sudden departure, leaving the team with a sudden and unexpected hole to fill. What do you think is likely to show up on the social media of your teammates? Did your choice lead in the direction of your success as a human being, or did it lead you in the direction of cowardice and failure?

When it comes to family, imagine if you have lived in a decent home for years, and that your parents and siblings love you, and you have a good steady relationship. Then, at college, you decide to “ghost” your parents and you ignore their calls or texts? What result would you expect from that? A call from a sibling wondering what is up with you? Likely. So, you “ghost” them too.

Fundamentally, ghosting is a failure principle that can not lead to prosperity in any area of your life. Whoever persuaded you or taught you that it is OK to disrespect other people and act as if they didn’t exist is leading you down a very dangerous path. The opposite is true. The more you communicate—even in difficult circumstances, embarrassing circumstances, or awkward circumstances—the more you grow, the more you become an adult that people can trust and rely upon and build something with.

If you are so focused on “adulting” I want to suggest that you stop the “ghosting” as that is what little children do when they can’t face anything and are scared. They try to disappear. Who amongst us doesn’t have something in our past where we just hid, hoping it would go away if we just hid and couldn’t be found? I do. That is for sure.

But I am a long way into a productive life now, and I know that my parents instilled in me the understanding that hiding from someone or something was far worse than just “facing the music” as my dad used to say.

Success is really quite simple. Sadly, so is failure. And “ghosting” is one of the worst things inculcated into our culture. Gen Z, Gen Y, stop it now. Because neither you, nor your families, nor your communities can survive if people just disappear and hide. Whoever thought this was acceptable behavior was wrong. But you can toss that little bad habit out overnight. Next time we meet, prove to me that you have done so. Don’t “ghost” me! Enough said!

And that is true “adulting!”